Why do men abuse women? What’s in it for them?
This list was generated by participants in a court-mandated batterers-intervention program in Minnesota. The facilitator asked the men what benefits they received from abusing their wives and girlfriends; the answers — unabashed and chilling — filled a 4 x 8 whiteboard.
- She’s scared and won’t go out and spend money
- She won’t argue
- Feeling superior: she’s accountable to me
- (I) get the money
- Total control in decision-making
- She feels less worthy, so defers to my needs and wants
- (I get) a robot babysitter, maid, sex, food
- Isolate her so her friends can’t confront me
- She works for me
- Convince her she’s nuts
- Convince her she’s unattractive
- Convince her she’s to blame
- Get to write history
- Kids on my side against her
- She won’t call police
From a 1/30/14 webinar, “The Benefits of Violence: Why Give it Up?” by Chuck Derry, of the Gender Violence Institute, sponsored by the Battered Women’s Justice Project.